KoreanTV: Action!

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Korean TV highlighting how brilliant their people are with the most stellar action sequences:

“nobody leaves until we find all the pieces we know are here!” – thirty seconds later they all leave, without the crucial hidden objects and burn the place down, likely destroying said objects. and they searched so well that they never found the two children hiding in the empty armoire, wearing said objects. (also noting that father thought it was perfectly fine to put objects people are killing people over around the necks of his two very young children.)

“it takes years to master this martial art” – two weeks later, the newbie student who was tripping over himself yesterday is fighting off a professional martial artist killer. saving the girl, of course. because, if you have a crush, you’re an instant 7-level black belt.

“you’ve been in a coma for 18 years. your muscles have atrophied. you need time to rebuild your body.” – patient immediately stands up and sets out on a mission. who needs muscles? oh wait, look how strapping that guy is! Those feeding tubes really do nourish a body.

“tell me what he looked like!” “he had black hair, brown eyes and a strong jaw line” – describing 90% of the men in TV Korea. Suspect is tracked down with this description in a matter of hours. Those are some really awesome, psychic sketch artists. or magical charcoal pencils. yeah, that’s it. magical pencils …..

“you blocked the hole where the smoke was coming in? wow! you’re not just a musician, you’re a genius!” – because a little smoke makes most people revert to a 2-year old cognitive state. Also, the national pasttime in S Korea is drinking, so anyone with problem solving skills after destroying so many brain cells is a miracle. Scene bonus: “I’m a singer, so my lung capacity is probably a lot better than yours.” – explaining why his hero-ness doesn’t need to cover his mouth in the smoke-filled room.

On a *ahem* serious note: fights are way cooler in S Korea than here in the US. Everybody has martial arts training. All bar fights will have people doing flying kicks and back flips leading to neck brace takedowns. There are black belts in practices from hapkido and tae kwan do, lethal laundry and “70-pound sprite takes out 400-pound gorilla with one swipe.” Fist fights here? *YAWN*. For some free entertainment guaranteed to get your adrenaline pumping, just instigate a brawl in S Korea. It will be worth the plane ticket. I pinky swear. And, in Korean fashion, I “stamp” it by pressing our thumbs together after we’ve locked pinkies. There is no more sacred promise in the universe, so buy your airline tickets now!

from FB post 12/22/16

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