KoreanTV: Further Edivacation

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ongoing Korean TV edivacation:

Much like how women who live around each other end up with synchronized menstrual cycles, men in Korea, when they are attracted to the same woman, end up with synchronized pee cycles. This maximizes their opportunities to stand awkwardly next to each other at public urinals. (They will always be near the same one because of being attracted to the same woman.) Pro-tip: if two men around you are often going to the men’s room at the same time, you’re very popular. Take your pick!

If your child is having emotional difficulties at school, particularly depression or anxiety, send them to school out of the country. There is a magical emotional healing thing that happens as the airplane crosses over an international border. It will only hold, if the child does not cross a Korean border again for at least 3 years. When they return, they will be unrecognizable and fully-primed power wielders who are guaranteed maximum success in the field you’ve dictated they pursue. Parenting 101, folks. Got it?

The way to a promotion in the corporate world is to murder the person currently in the job, particularly if they are a sibling. Once your family has any assets at all, there is no such thing as sibling bonds. All those life experiences you shared and weathered together are meaningless if a job or a house is available. No sharing allowed. Family businesses are winner-take-all. When I say “winner”, I mean “survivor.”

Rich people spend all their time instructing a vast network of spying employees. They have nothing better to do. Got a business or non-profit to run? You do that by directing your spy network to gather information with which you can create PR or real life nightmares for anyone around you. That’s what business is all about.

The RIchPeopleNetwork of private intelligence gathering is second to none. So, watch out. They know if you put on clean underwear today and whether you ate all your porridge when you were five years old. In fact, if you’re struggling to remember something about yourself or your past, you could just read the reports kept by any rich person in your vicinity. No need for diaries, any more. You have an automated life-experience backup system in the wealthy class. It’s like your personal LifeCloud.

They still haven’t solved that 57 million piece slide puzzle of everybody loving someone who loves someone else. They keep trying to slide the person they want next to them, but all those other slide pieces don’t get out of the way so easily. So, I have a suggestion: polyamory. Did I mention this before? Why haven’t they taken up this idea? Seriously. That love quadrangle where the two rich people aren’t allowed to marry the two poor people whom they really love and are forced to marry each other? Problem solved, get a big house and have everybody live together. Seems like a much better solution than lifetimes of misery which can lead to suicide or murder or just death by dehydration from relentless sobbing. (there is not enough water on the planet to replenish the fluids shed from tears in S Korea.)

I mean, c’mon, you have flexible bedding arrangements anyway with those mats that you put on the floor each night. Just put out however many makes sense for this evening’s sleep/snuggle fest and enjoy each other’s company. What’s all this fuss about competition and never letting go? You don’t have to. Just grab onto more than one person. How many centuries of unending love tragedies does it take to figure that out?

Please note, if you travel to S Korea, that the peninsula is apparently on it’s own axis in relation to the sun. You can leave your office for lunch while the sun is shining brightly, get back to the office in darkness, work a bit and then leave work with the sun shining again. No one seems to notice, so I guess this is something you get acclimated to if you live there long enough.

The early 2000’s was the era of the porcupine hairstyle for men. So glad that’s over. Let’s hope this is not one of the fashions that gets recycled as “Retro!.” I don’t mind some punk spikes or that dramatic manga hair that can happen, but the porcupine style is particularly distracting as you try to pay attention to the story, but you find yourself laughing as you picture how many injuries occur from accidental head bumps.

Recently, we learned that teachers wear shorts to school. To keep you apprised of dressing etiquette, I will inform you that female lawyers will also wear shorts in the courtroom. I mean, they look like wool and have jackets to go with them. (Wool. That means its cold out, yes? I guess Korean women’s legs are impervious.) I digress. Court shorts. That’s professional, right?! At least as professional as the sequined, form fitting, mini dresses that other lawyers wear, right?!

Final info sharing of the day: if you’re thinking of taking up an acting career in S Korea, know that you will be eating a lot. Every other scene will be about a meal. Not just a dainty bite or two. You will be stuffing your cheeks to the gills. Practice talking with rice pouring out of your lips, as this will be a necessary skill for any role you take on. You never have one piece of sushi which you chew and swallow. You keep pushing pieces in, using your fingers as a compactor until there is no physical capacity to store one grain more. Then, you have to figure out how to chew, swallow and talk. This skill is such a fundamental requirement, you will need to show the badge proving that you’ve been through the two-year certification training for this talent. Keep that badge somewhere safe. If you lose your wallet with the badge in it, you’ll have to go through certification again before getting another acting job in Korea. This shit’s serious, I tell ya!

#KoreanTV
from FB post 12/17/16

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