KoreanTV: Culcheral Lurnings

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more culchural lurnings from Korean TV:

I’ve finally figured out that S Korean children are sent to schools which have 3 different curriculum tracks regarding how to approach relationships. One third of the population is taught the “you can always force them to love you” relationship style. This includes sufisticated techniques for coercion, manipulation, taking control of someone else’s life, and kidnapping. A most important lesson: it doesn’t matter how the recipient of your superhuman, eternal luv feels. As long as you own them, you will be happy and that’s all that matters.

One third of the population is taught the “never say what you actually feel” school of relationship management. It’s a long-term training in stoicism and avoidance, coupled with an thorough indoctrination system which relieves you of any urge to clear up misunderstandings. Right before you die, people will finally realize all the ways they misunderstood you, will feel tragically guilty and will love you in the afterlife via a yearly memorial gathering.

The final third learn the “relationship are for everybody except the people in them” philosophy. Whether it’s family honor, political alliance, greater business profit, or more hands for household kimchi production, these are what marriage is about. How the people in the marriage feel about one another is irrelevant. Everyone will be happy when the extra-marital duty is being served.

If that’s not making you run to S Korea to seek your dream relationship, remember this: there is an unwritten law that everyone has to fall in love with someone who is in love with someone else and wants nothing to do with you. Like those sliding puzzles with the numbers 1-15, where you had to shift the squares around to get the numbers in order. If you thought it was challenging with 15 squares, try solving it when it’s 50+ million squares. Thirty years of Korean drama hasn’t brought us any closer to a solution. Join the fun! You, too, can exit the airport and enter the wild world of one-way attraction. Good luck seeing if the love chain is ever connected to someone who might actually be reciprocally attracted.

Why hasn’t anyone invested in tear buckets? At any given moment 27.36% of the population is in tears. Streams of tears. Pouring down multiple channels and soaking clothes everywhere. They don’t seem to use handkerchiefs or tissues, so I see a huge market for little 2 oz tear buckets. A few on every restaurant table. A stash at every bench. The luxury line would come in pairs with nose-yokes so they hang comfortably, hands free. I’m telling you, there’s millions to be made!!!! Don’t miss this opportunity.

We recently learned about the Tardis technology for suitcases. S Korea has really used sci fi as a cultural resource. Most of their residential doors are based on Original Star Trek sliding door models. Faux futuristic nostalgia for the win.

Speaking of ‘faux’; in S Korea faux fur is always in. Every decade since 1900 is replete with faux fur. Preferably in copious volumes. It’s never out of fashion to wear a coat or poncho with massive shoulder pads, made entirely of road kill dyed to match your suit or dress. So, if you’re headed to S Korea and not sure what to wear to the hip dance club or the high society soiree, faux fur is your go to wardrobe piece. Trust me. You’ll be so thankful for this fashion advice.

Will you be driving while in the country? You’re in luck. There are no driving rules. Park anywhere. Middle of the road. Sidewalk. Front Porch. Blocking other cars in. No problem. Park at your convenience. There are no speed limits. S Korean drivers love to add exhilaration to their day by weaving through traffic at the highest speed the car will go. Don’t worry about hair-raising effect on other drivers. Ignore what you see in the rear-view mirror and just get where you need to go at whatever speed toots your horn. The lanes moving in your direction aren’t doing it for you? Switch it up and drive against the current. No problem!

S Korean police forces are highly trained. They know how send in a parade of vehicles, sirens blaring, for a surprise attack. They want those kidnappers to have plenty of time to make a run for it before they get there. That’s because the best police forces know that the most top-notch skill is avoiding actual confrontation. It’s much more suave and sophisticated to sneak in and then stand around looking perplexed when the perpetrators are no longer on the premises.


from FB post 11/19/19

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